


Lost

by Leigonclaimed



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27692015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leigonclaimed/pseuds/Leigonclaimed
Summary: The fact that he will bring her back only to abandon her like all the rest makes his heart ache but there is no time for anything else, no more plans to fall back on now. It is all he can do.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Lost

He’s here. It is all that runs through her mind when their bond abruptly snaps open and their eyes meet from across the madness of Exogol. The how's and why’s really don't matter to her because for once in her life someone had actually come for her. There is no time for the tears that flood her eyes, only the few moments where they connect and she can bask in the knowledge that someone had finally come for her, and come straight through hell to do so.

The idea to pass off her saber came quite suddenly. She can sense he has come alone and seems to be armed with only a single blaster, has come wholly unprepared and her dumb shock will need to be examined later but for now he needs a weapon. Ben may be a warrior but the blaster is not near enough to fight here. When he nodded in encouragement despite how crazy her plan is Rey is gobsmacked because she’s realizing he trusts her so absolutely it's humbling. A girlish squeal builds when it actually works and even though she doesn't loose it she can feel the distinct impression of his chuckle through the bond and flushes. Rey remains focused on him for a short time though it's foolish of her, can't help but do so when with a cocky flare he launches into battle like a hurricane. It’s captivating to watch. There is something wonderfully different between them, different about him, that has hope flaring in her chest but soon she is distracted by her own battle and must shake herself loose of her fascinated stupor.

It amazes her how easy it is. She’d trained and had known she’d been improving but never like this. She cannot feel Ben aside from the impression of his power moving through the underbelly of the planet towards her and she knows he will find her, will rip anyone in his way to pieces as his fury calls to her own savagery. The force moves through her in a heady rush, leaves her lightheaded as she parries and slashes in a flurry that is over far sooner then she expects. Cutting through the guard is child's play and she is shocked when the final foe is ripped away from her person, sent skidding across the stone with a sickening crack. Ben.

Seeing him, seeing that yes, he really is there is even better. There had been a kernel of doubt, a small piece of her waiting for the disappointment that would come when he didn't show but now, he's here. Palpatine watches them with a sick interest that makes her skin crawl but Ben is only steps away now and that is too far. It's definitely not the time for it but Rey cannot contain herself and bounds the few feet left, bounces up to her toes using those broad shoulders as support so she can press her mouth to his ridiculously appealing lips. Ben freezes solid, Palpatine makes some sort of choked outcry and Rey would love nothing more than to hold this moment forever but instead backpedals so they can return to the task at hand.

It's strange to have both men watching her for such vastly different reasons. With a click of her tongue, a nervous habit she’s never shaken, Rey lights her saber and is more than a little bit pleased to see Ben raise his own in a mirror image. It doesn't last but for a moment they move as one. Then Palpatine throws Ben down a trench cut deep into the planet's core and Rey shakes where she lay, can't stop the whimper when she feels his consciousness snuff out. But he lives and that is enough. Even without him there the bond still feeds her power, gives her the strength to rise and fight. Her friends need her, the galaxy needs her but it is feeling Ben there that truly pushes her to her feet again. The heady power from their weakened bond that lights both sabers for her final stand. The Jedi of the past may hear her plea but Ben is her final strength.

When all that crackling energy fades away Rey knows she has done it, fulfilled her destiny and destroyed Palpatine once and for all and they will both fade away in this horrible place. Through fading eyes she finds destruction all around, can vaguely feel the tremors that rumble as the planet starts to tear itself apart. All she can hope for now is that somehow Ben will survive the devastation. She would love nothing more than to get him to safety herself, off this doomed rock at the least, but there is nothing left for her to use and the twin sabers fall from her suddenly limp grip. Rey has been hollowed out by power and is gone before she can feel herself crumble.

~

He comes awake choking. It's horrid and he turns to spit blood from his mouth as panicked urgency freezes the blood in his veins. There is no few seconds of confusion for him, only the agony from his broken body and the horrifying knowledge that Rey has been left up there alone. There is a strange moment of gratitude for the punishments his training had garnered him, the lessons on turning pain into power as he begins to claw his way up the rock face. He doesn't bother to look ahead, focuses only on every hand hold, each inch that pushes him that much closer to her. 

It is a struggle to begin with then suddenly power boils his veins as it is yanked from him once more except this time it is Rey, his Rey, up there all alone and he gives it freely. If she needs his power it is hers. There is a distortion between them, the massive amounts of power she uses making it hard to feel her through the storm of it. All he can hope is she knows he is there, with her always and fighting his way back to her side.

He’s not quite three quarters of the way up when everything stops. The lightning, the explosions that rock him uneasily, the desperate pull at his power from Rey. Just one final massive blast that sends rocks tumbling before a quiet even more terrifying. In the moment before the eerie calm there had been a strange gasping echo in his mind then nothing. No whispers, no feelings that are not his own, no bond humming brightly deep within his chest. When he reaches for the force again he is brutal and it makes him ache wretchedly but he clears the last of the gorge in a heartbeat. The frantic rush pauses only when his body betrays him and he crashes to the dust covered stone floor, pain wracking through him, yet he forces muscles to comply and struggles back upright.

When he is finally able to scramble to her side Rey's eyes are glassy, dull and lifeless in a way that sets him howling. No. No, no, no, no, not Rey. Rey is goodness and light and deserved the very stars. She cannot die here. They are a Dyad, two that are one so how is he possibly meant to live without her now? No, the force cannot be this cruel.

Ben gathers her to him, cradles her impossibly small form for the first and most likely last time. He knows there will not be enough for them both and finds he does not mind, for if it must be one or the other it will not be her. He is Kylo Ren and he will defy even the will of the force if that is what must be done to bring her back, will suffer his own end gladly to see her light the galaxy once more. The fact that he will bring her back only to abandon her like all the rest makes his heart ache but there is no time for anything else, no more plans to fall back on now. It is all he can do.

Force healing is a lost Jedi art. Shoving one's own life force into another being and encouraging their wounds to heal is a Masters trick but if this tiny scavenger could manage a saber wound he has to have a shot at making it work. The conflict which for so long had torn him apart often made using the force a battle all its own and though he may have massive power it tended to fight him, had to be pushed to obey his command. Not now. Now it rushes to his will, pours in a heavy rush straight into Rey through his hand on her stomach. Oddly Ben can find few physical injuries and the fear leaves a bitter taste in his mouth as he realizes she has burnt herself up with the force, had channelled far more than her body could possibly handle and he can't even begin to guess how to heal her. For once in his miserable life the force answers his pleading desperation.

His power rushes forth with a will all its own and he gladly follows its lead as he fills her, sending heavy flows of his brand of darkness through her veins in a hope to repair the damage done. There are a few seconds of heart pounding anxiety, unsure if he is making any progress and scared because he cannot fail her. Panic makes him lose his focus so when she moves, lays one tiny hand over his own, his closed eyes fly back open in shock. She stirs, lashes fluttering before her eyes widen and the stars that live in her gaze blaze back to life and their bond screams in joy.

“Rey!” There hasn't been a second to think about her sudden kiss, the way she’d shocked him with it as soon as he’d come close enough to do so, but as she literally comes back to life in his arms that is all he can focus on. Rey is staring at him like she is working out a problem but then that exquisite face lights up with an emotion that sets his heart fluttering and she smiles. Ben cant stop himself from tugging her upwards so he can kiss her properly. He knows that time is running out so he milks the pleasure of her affections for as long as he is able. There is too much to say so he only smiled indulgently, the first in so long he’d forgotten how it felt. The sweet smile stretching her lips begins to fall and he watches the way her brow pinches in concern then nothing. He has finally used his dreadful power for something worthy and as he fades away his only regret is that this will be all they’d ever get.

~

Why that...that kriffing idiot! How dare he do this. The only saving grace in this mess had been knowing that he’d live yet here she is holding a stupidly large sweater because he’s gone and she is here, on this crumbling planet at the center of a galactic war. If Kylo Ren thought he could abandon her to clean up his mess then he didn't really know her at all. He’d come for her and he couldn't just leave her now. Scavengers are notoriously territorial, not to mention madly possessive since their very lives depended on it. Perhaps it is time Ben Solo and even the force itself learn that lesson.

Scavenger that she is Rey leaves nothing of her Dyad on that condemned planet, to include the Tie Fighter he’s left her. She can feel echoes of his presence inside the ship and it only solidifies her determination. He is not gone. Rey will not be half of a broken Dyad for the rest of her days. No way in kriffing hell. When she’s safely off planet and a hyperspace jump from the climax of the battle she takes a moment to really accept what has happened. It’s like something out of a holodrama but she’s come to know that the world is often far stranger than any fiction. Kriff, she’d been dead for a time. It makes her shiver so without much thought she pulls on the oversized black sweater that smells like Ben. It’s a decidedly male scent and she buries her face into the fabric to inhale deeply, soul keening. He isn’t really gone but for now he is because she’d died and he’d been stupidly noble. When she finds him he is in such deep Bantha shit.

~

Ben isn’t sure he’s done it right. Sure, he’d died, or faded, or whatever you would call it but he has yet to pass into the force as he’d expected and finds himself confused. Rey lived and that was all that truly matters but he would like to understand why and where he is. Wherever it is it’s dark and empty, a seemingly endless expanse of halls that have no destination. He does not tire here, simply walks along hall after hall in inky darkness as he replays those final moments with her over and again. Seeing her sightless eyes had ripped out what was left of his heart and if this is an endless punishment he’ll gladly endure it knowing those blazing hazel eyes still burn. He can’t feel her now but she’s alive so it’s enough.

~

Rey has spent weeks on the move but she’s nearly there now. The Jedi texts are vague at the best of times and contradictory nearly all of the time but she’d found just enough for a lead. One lead had eventually led to another, than another and sure sometimes it felt like chasing ghost stories but she’d kept going. Would continue as long as it takes to find Ben again. She’d found that it is a matter of finding another planet strong in the force, not dark like Exogol but not light as Ach-To either. Rey needs a new place, a place of balance where she can call him back to her.

Her friends worry, especially since they’d gotten a look at the ship she uses. They’d properly blown their tops over that let alone the rest of her revelations that are even harder to swallow. She’d been concerned about it but honestly no one could ever hope to understand what she and Ben share so best to break it now and give them the time they need to digest it.   
Rey has crossed galaxies for the man and he had better bloody appreciate all she’s done, especially when she finds herself hovering over Jakku of all planets as the force buzzes approvingly in her head. Something had been driving her here from the beginning but she’d never deemed to return after she’d fled and so never felt the dormant force power trapped beneath the sands. It’s blindingly intense and fate seems to be mocking her but if this is the place she’d find him then so be it. 

She is no longer what she’d once been. Her gait dares anyone to try her, dual sabers hanging from each hip their own blaring warning. Even better is the long black hilt that rests securely in her right hand. It may be more than a bit of overkill but before she’d even begun this journey something had called her back to those ruins where she and Ben had fought that last time. Called her back relentlessly. Rylo Ren's saber had screamed from its home at the bottom of the sea and it had taken her days of intense concentration with the force to call it back to her, more than she’d dared to use since Exogol. Now his blade takes the place of her staff and having all three sabers is definitely overkill. Eventually she has plans to lay the twins to rest where this all began but for now she does not trust them anywhere else but with her. The black cracked saber has become her constant companion, her way of keeping him close to her. His dark power would greet her from within the crystal, envelop her own light protectively and Rey isn't sure she can live without it now.

Back on Jakku after so long she needs that comfort. She’d landed far from any place she’s ever braved to go, deep into the Waste Sands where danger lurks and few dared venture even for the valuable scrap. Rey had spent years avoiding this place but now she can feel the force guiding her and plunges fearlessly into the vast unknowns. Its hours of treading, following the call of something she can barely explain, before she stumbles upon the rotting temple. The once grand opening is nothing more than a pit in the sand now but she’s ceased fearing the dark and beneath the sands she goes.

~

Ben can feel something is different. There is a buzzing in his skull that is oddly reminiscent of his cracked kyber but he’d sent the damned thing to a watery grave. As time passes in the neverending void the sound persists, gaining volume slowly but surely until it's driving him insane. There has been nothing for so long and he’d assumed that was to be his punishment but that had been much preferred over the booming crackle. There is nowhere to go to escape the sound so he snarls, angrily hunts the source like a bloodhound.

He isn't sure how long he’s been prowling the halls like a beast when the crackling hum he knows gets even clearer. It echoes loudly and he swears he’ll rip the thing apart when he finds it. Or so he thinks. Out of nowhere he slams into something, some kind of barrier that sends him crashing painfully to the ground as if he’s walked into stone. The bubbling rage boils over and he’s about to lose his mind when movement catches his eye from the shadows. Nothing moved here but something moved on the other side of the thing he’d slammed into, something that moved through the darkness towards him with his own saber held aloft to light the path. How in the bloody hells had they gotten it? Possessiveness only makes the rage burn hotter until a hiccuped gasp pours ice on the blaze.

“Rey!” Before it's even passed his lips she’s squeezed as close as she can get with whatever separated them and he is quick to shadow her. She’s a sobbing mess, his saber still clutched tightly against the surface of the barrier and it crackles in her grasp but no sparks bite at her skin. She looks comfortable holding it. She’d found it and obviously used it and force the things that knowledge does to him. The lightsaber is their only light source, a red halo surrounding them in a bubble hazy. “Rey. Sweetheart. It's alright.”

“Ben!” There is a slight muffle from whatever keeps them separated and he would do anything to be able to hold her, comfort her through the storm of emotion. It seems impossible that she is even here but somehow she is and force he’s missed her so much.

“Sh. Breath for me Rey.” His palms press flat against her own and he’s kneeling as close as he can get but it is not enough and he hates it.

~

Stars he’s actually right there, how is she supposed to breath when he is finally there after so long running on blind faith alone. She’s been running on hopes and dreams but there has always been a seed of doubt. Now she is so close and she can see him and it’s impossible to stop the gasping sobs wracking her chest.

“Ben!” Rey can't get anything else out.

“I’m here sweetheart.” Well, sort of, but it's so much better than not at all. His voice is so wonderful, deep and soft like in her dreams. Eventually they’d work this out. Together. Finally.

“Kriff Ben I am so mad at you!” Now that isn’t what she’d wanted to say but her own anger seaths beneath the surface and she cannot stop the tide. “Do you have any idea where we are, Bantha’s ass!? Jakku! Kriffing Jakku to drag you back from this asinine stunt!” Rey is still sobbing through her ranting but cant find it in herself to care. “You big brooding moron how could you leave me!”

“To be fair you were the one to die on me first.” That smoky voice of his is heavy with accusation.

“Are you serious! I was fulfilling my destiny but you could have gotten off that planet Ben! You chose to die!”

“FOR YOU!” He roars when he erupts, eyes a storm of emotion. “ I died to bring you back and I would do it again!” 

“You left me alone!” She can rage all the same as him. They are two that are one after all. 

“You think I wanted to leave you! I followed you to that dead husk because you are everything to me Rey! You really think I would leave that place without you?” Ben's voice lowers at the last sentence, breaks somewhere in the middle and she knows what he’s remembering. She hadn’t really thought of it that way, had been battling her own determination with a thick smothering of abandonment. 

“You really think I could live with you gone?” Her own voice softens just like his, anger draining as quickly as it had surged. Their eyes catch and hold as a thousand words pass with just a look.

“Rey.” Ben's face softens before he tilts to lean his forehead against the barrier across from her own.

“I will thank you. Eventually. You literally died for me Ben.” A faint blush crawls across the bridge of his nose and she is stunned by how awkwardly adorable that is. She follows his lead, lets her eyes close as she presses her forehead to the barrier, whatever it is keeping them apart. “How are we going to fix this?”

“ I don't even know where I am.” He sounds hopeless, voice softer than ever and she hates it. 

“Lucky you’ve got me then.” The disbelief that flashes across his handsome face when she opens her eyes is something she finds she likes. Her laugh is still half a sob but that’s alright. “That's right oh great Supreme Leader. I know something you don’t know.”

“Har, har.” Ben's flat tone only makes her laugh again.

“Oh don't pout, you can read the Jedi texts soon as I’m finished kicking your ass. You're bound to me Ben, we are a Dyad in the force and nothing in any universe can separate us, not even death. If we’d both died I think we would have moved into the force but it was one and then the other so you became stuck. A place they call The World Between Worlds.” His face has morphed into intrigue mixed with a bit of awe and her heart flutters.

~

Ben had researched endlessly. Searched for all the known knowledge on the force and any bonds he could possibly find. How she knew what she did he isn't sure but to say he is impressed would be an understatement. He’d never even heard of a World Between Worlds. Later, if there was to be a later, he’d have to ask her to show him what she’d found. For now he’s just glad she seems to know so much more than him and comes to the conclusion that he must stop underestimating his scavenger. 

“Alright. A World Between Worlds. So how do I get out?”

“That part's a bit fuzzy actually. I don't know if it's ever been done before and far as I can guess i'll have to sort of...pull you out.”

“...pull me out when you can’t even touch me?” The skepticism is clear and he can tell she doesn't appreciate it.

“Don’t use that Kylo tone with me, Ben Solo! If you’ve got a better idea let’s hear it!” Rey’s glare is something he knows intimately yet paired with the suddenly sharp tone he’s a bit off balance and can only gape at her dumbly. “Yeah, I thought so. Now move.”

“Rey, I don't…”

“I said move!” Her eyes are straight fire even as tears still stain her skin. His feisty scavenger. She drives him absolutely mad. It’s while watching her stand that he takes notice of what she is wearing. Rey moves into a battle stance draped in his large sweater, crackling red saber raised high and looking like some dark avenging angel. If he hadn't already adored her, no matter how cliche it may be that would be the moment he’d fall. Their eyes meet and clash as he rises to his own feet and backs a few paces away. Their bond is still silent and even those few feet feel like too far when he can no longer feel her the way he craves, a nagging fear in his mind that if he went too far she’d disappear and he would be in the dark again.

He’s about to try and come up with something encouraging to say but before he can her dainty features harden and she swings in a wide arch. His/her blade crashes against whatever barrier exists between them with a resounding boom that sends Rey flying backwards, the saber fizzling out and darkness consuming him once more. All he cares for is her.

“Rey!” To his relief there is an answering groan he struggles to hear but it’s there.

“I’m alright. It’s ok.” Ben is frantic as he moves to press against what he now knows is solid energy once more, desperate to make sure she is alright. Muted shuffling then a hiss as the saber light floods the area once more. Her hair is wild as if she’s been shocked but otherwise she seems unharmed and he can feel the tension in his muscles loosen slowly.

“Force Rey.”

~

Yeah that wasn’t pleasant. The backlash had actually been much like the massive power burst when they’d fought over Anakin's saber back in what felt like another life. Her chest feels tight so she takes a moment to breath and brush the dirt from her clothing when she notices it. Ben has started talking again but her wide eyes are glued to something else and his words fall on deaf ears. Rey’s hand trembles as she raises it to press against a tiny crack that has appeared. As soon as he realizes what’s happened Ben’s own hand moves to touch it on his own side, long fingers running over the surface in wonder. As soon as both their hands are touching that small sliver there is an impossibly quiet hum where silence currently resides. Just the barest hint of their broken bond and it is wonderful.

“Holy stars! This might actually work!” 

“Not if you kill yourself in the process.” She knows it is only concern for her that makes him say it but her eyes sharpen anyway.

“Still so little faith.”

“No Rey. I know how strong you are, but this is dangerous.”

“I’m not leaving you locked there Ben.” No chance. Not after how far she’s come.

“Don’t ask me to watch you get hurt because of me anymore.” Oh. Oh Ben.

“Ben...nothing worthwhile is ever without it’s dangers. I have to do this. I can’t do any of this without you.” She understands how he feels. Really, she does. Rey has seen inside Ben’s soul and it is a soft thing buried beneath self loathing and anger. In the deepest parts of himself Ben Solo is gentle and protective and hates the things he has done. Even without the bond she can feel how abhorrent he finds the idea of causing her pain but this was nothing compared to losing him. “Our bond carved out a chunk of our souls Ben. It’s missing now, an empty space where you should be that aches more each day.”

“Sweetheart.” He could call her that forever.

“I have to do this.”

“I’m not worth it.”

“I need you here to help me clean up the mess you’ve made! You're not leaving me to do it for you dammit!” Her snarl leaves him stumped for a moment. Then his lips curl into that smirk she’d only gotten to glimpse before, the one that makes her tummy flip.

“Well when you put it that way.” Her huff of laughter isn't much but it feels good.


End file.
